Rant #18: YouTube Comments

 Posted 10.2.2011
 Last Updated: 10.2.2011


I swear to fuck, the YouTube community has to be the worst collection of human beings on the planet. Go to a video. Pick something, say, that stars a black person doing something stupid. Or someone talking about politics. Or religion. Or a Kerli video. Or whatever. All you see is people swearing at each other and fighting online or making stupid, misinformed comments. There are so many examples I can talk about with this topic, but I'm only going to choose a few general things because I really don't have all night. Much like the Fast-Food Rant, this one may also be prone to updates over time. So let's start with the most annoying thing...

Dislike Comments
We've all seen these. Somehow, they're almost always the top-rated comment on any video. They all follow the same format. A person takes the current number of Dislikes, adds the word "people", and then (generally) says "didn't/don't/etc" have something related to the video. Almost every video that has a decent amount of views has one or more of these comments on them. Let's go, right now, without even looking in advance, to a random song. Hm... Big Booty Bitches. The very top rated comment: "4 ppl dont got big booty bitches" - These comments. HOW IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY DO THESE GET VOTED UP? They're on every mothershittin' video and people keep doing them because idiots keep voting them up. You want a top comment on any YouTube video? Use a fucking Dislike Comment. You're guaranteed to get lots of vote-ups. Guaran-fucking-teed. That's just one example. There are loads of others. And now that I've mentioned it, you're going to notice them ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. And you will hate them. And if you've ever posted one, perhaps you will hate yourself. Good. You deserve it.

On the other hand, OCCASIONALLY, someone will have a clever one that I'll laugh at. Those deserve vote ups... barely. Most of them, however, are just stupid.

Thumbs Up Comments
These are stupid enough as it is. You know what they are. "thumbs up if <something related to the video here, or if you raped the replay button, or whatever>". These are the comments begging for Thumbs Ups. They're dumb. Don't thumbs up them. Ever. It's stupid. Die in a fire.

Misinformed Comments

These are comments made wholly in Ignorance of the Facts. Or just stupid apples/oranges quotes. Let's use Kerli as an example. Read comments on her videos, and you'll see a lot of people calling her a "Lady Gaga wannabe". This statement alone makes the poster look like an idiot, since she was doing music before Lady Gaga. Also, they're not even in the same genre. And Kerli is more of a Lolita-style person, where Gaga is a whatever-the-fuck-she-found-in-the-dumpster-last-week-that-she-can-turn-into-an-outfit-style person. There's also been comparisons to Avril thrown around. Last time I watched a Kerli video, I saw this shit and I was like "lol wut? how? *facepalm*". In fact, it seems a lot of singers who do anything "not normal" get immediately compared to Lady Gaga. What the fuck is this shit? Now, don't get me wrong, I like Lady Gaga and enjoy her music much more than I probably should for a normal straight guy, but hey, that shit's right up there with epic Eurodance-style music, and I love that shit. But that aside, let's look at the video for PONPONPON (FUCKING WARNING: This video will fuck up your brain, watch it with caution. I'm not kidding. One of the top comments just now is "Okay, who divided by zero". And it fucking makes sense. The video does not.). This is god damn Japan at its most fucked-up level. The core of all things fucked up. And people compare it to Lady Gaga. As if Japan hasn't been doing shit that makes LG look tame for millions of years. Are people really so ignorant that just because someone is way too overpopular (Lady Gaga), anything that remotely resembles it (or doesn't) automatically becomes 'inspired' by her? Like... fucking... you're on the internet. Take a minute to Google something before you make a god damn stupid comment, because your ignorance spreads to other people who don't know facts either. Unless you're just trolling, but we'll get to that next.

One other example: J'en Ai Marre, by Alizée - y'know, the super hot French singer that the World of Warcraft female Night Elves get their dance from? Yeah... comments appear here such as "she dances like night elfs" - WRONG. Night Elves dance like her. Get it right, dumbasses. Also, learn English. Same with Tunak Tunak Tun - the male Draenei get their dance from Dahler Mehndi, not the other way around.

Trolling Comments

These... well, fuck 'em. They're not going away, so you'd better get used to it sister. These may take the shape of Misinformed Comments, but the person knows full well that they're wrong and are just trying to start an argument. The main problem with them is, you can't really tell the difference between Troll comments and simple misinformed/ignorance comments, unless it's something so obvious that only a complete idiot could fuck it up. The best thing you can even fucking do with these two comment types is thumbs down them every time you watch the video or flag them as spam or whatever and hope they won't be seen by others. Trolls gonna troll, cause trolling is a art. Don't feed the trolls.

Religious/Political Flame Wars
Same thing as above... you really can't avoid these in society, but they are blatantly overpopulated on any YouTube video relating to anything religious or political. I can't really say much on these, because no amount of bitching will make this cock-infested shit go away. It would require that people learn to coexist no matter what religious or political views those around them have, and that's just not going to happen. Ever.

So anyway, I've pretty much touched on the major comment types that seem to get spammed to shit on any popular video. There are more and I'll add to this as I see new comments, but pretty much, all this being said, that leaves the question "But what kinds of comments are okay to post?" Well, follow this rule: If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it on a god damn fucking comment. Did you ever see the ending of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back? Maybe that could happen to you for real (and if it did, I would laugh. Really.) Stop being an asshole just because nobody can get to you on the internet. A YouTube account is not a permit to be a douchebag... Douchebag.

And for those of you who do post shit like the above, be it intentional or not,


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