Rant #21: Allergies

 Posted 10.14.2011


Fuck Seasons. Yeah, Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. Fuck 'em all, fuck 'em in their stupid asses. Seasons are assholes. You know why? Because every year, every fucking year, without fail, from about the end of September-ish to, say, fucking April, my nose is stuffed up, either due to seasonal allergies or just having a fucking cold all winter. Yeah. That's like eight or nine months a fucking year that I can't breathe very well, every year, and it's fucking bullshit. Nothing I ever do makes it go away.

Not to mention the fact that I consistently get sick for several days when it goes from summer to fall, that bullshit week where it's 90 one week and then it drops to 60, then up to 80, then 40. The same thing happens when it transitions from Winter to Spring. This state is fucking shit. Seriously, if you're thinking about moving to Illinois, ever, just don't. If you have no choice but to move here, then just shoot yourself in the face and save yourself the torment. Not only is this state boring as shit, but we have shit weather. It's like, when they were forming the United States, they took a look around and said, "Hm, how do we divide up this land here in the middle?" Some guy was like "Well, this 58,000ish square mile section here seems to have shit weather... let's border that up and call it Illinois." "Oh, good idea. I like that." Yeah, fuck those assholes.

Anyway, back on topic, I started to stray there. Probably because I'm stuffed up and not getting enough fucking oxygen, y'know, that shit I need to remain alive?! I've tried things to make allergies go away, y'know, so I can breathe. And it's all shit. Fucking nasal sprays are useless. Fucking pills are useless.
Everything else is fucking useless. It's shit.

Now, it's true that I have cats. A lot of cats (seven in this one bedroom place I'm currently in). And there's a damn fucking good chance they contribute to this situation. But they're too cute to get rid of for the sake of being able to breathe, so fuck that idea. I do have an air filter that runs often, but it doesn't help much. Leaving the house for hours doesn't help. It's got to be this stupid ass state and its stupid ass weather. Cause, y'know... Illinois is shit.

I need something I can do that will work to clear up this cubic assload of dumbfuckery. I need to come up with a plan... hmm... a plan... *thinks*

I got it! Maybe I can shove some damn hoses up my nose and breathe through those. Make my bitch ass look like Cthulhu or some shit.
(Bad Photoshop skills: GO!)
Oh, and allergies: FUCK YOU!

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