Rant #23: Reverse Emoticons

 Posted 3.30.2012

ANNOYANCE LEVEL: 4.555-5555! (only one person in the world will get that joke besides me)

Hey guys, how's it going! So happy to see you all for today's rage time! (:

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OH MY FUCKING MANBALLS, ARE YOU A NUTJOBBING FUCKDIOT?
(It's like a fucking idiot, but worse, because I'm so awestruck by the level of your incompetence that I can't manage to pronounce the two words separately).

There is little I hate more in the written world of internet speak than when strung out shells of flesh calling themselves human use god damned reverse emoticons. Since the dawn of the internet (which was at least 100 years ago) it has been a law put into place by God Himself that the EYES GO ON THE MOTHERDERPING LEFT SIDE OF THE EMOTICON. You aren't fucking Chinese (and if you are, then skip to the big bold words at the end this rant, then come back to this point), we do not read from right to left in the English/American/Ebonics/1337SP34K language.

When you do emoticons backwards, especially the motherfucking smiley face, several things happen, which I will now point out with a bulleted list.

  • You look like a dumbass.
  • The smiley face looks like a fucking frowny face to the average person until they realize it's a FUCKING BASS ACKWARDS SMILEY FACE!
  • Prices go up at McDonald's, and we all know that your brokeback tubby ass doesn't want that shit to happen.
  • The Large Hadron Collider gains a teeny tiny bit of sentience. This means that eventually it will come to life and kill us all.
  • Justin Bieber gets an idea for a new song...
  • ...and so does Nickelback.
  • You look like a dumbass. Oh wait, I said that one. Fine...
  • You show the world that you are a dumbass.
  • I have to make a bulleted list of shit like this one to point out all of the bullshit that happens when you use a reverse emoticon.
I mostly see this garbage on Facebook, but it appears seldomly in other places around the web too. It makes you look dumb as dirt and makes as much sense as wiping before you poop. Do the world a favor: Stop being a fucktard and stop doing god damned emoticons backwards. Because if you don't, you're just going to piss me off more, and you don't want that, because when you piss me off with bullshit like this I have to come on the internet and yell
!!YOU FUCK
Right to left, bitches! (:

(I'm not sure who made this, it was linked to me on macromeme after I wrote this rant, so I figured I'd add it in)

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