Rant #27: Cell Phone Walkie-Talkie Retards
Posted 8.5.2012
ANNOYANCE LEVEL: 2
You know what really grinds my gears? Stupid ass lumps of skin that talk into their phone like it's a fucking walkie-talkie. It's not. It's a god damn phone. I mostly see this with black people and douchebag looking white guys, but I've honestly seen just about every type of person do this ign'ant shit. You look like a total fucking tool when you do this. Stop it. Now.
Yes, walkie-talkies are cool as shit. Everyone knows this. Trying to turn your phone into a walkie-talkie is not cool as shit. It's not even remotely cool. Let's pretend that you could break 'cool' down to the cellular level (see what I did there?), and you'd see all the things that 'cool' encompasses. Using your phone like this would not be included. I fucking guarantee it. Every time I see someone doing this I want to take their phone, shove it up their ass, and yell "Breaker breaker! Dumbfuck here, over and out!" into their rectum. Then a day later when they shit their phone back out, perhaps some of it will have stuck to the top of it to form a little antenna. Then it would at least look like a walkie-talkie, albeit a shitty one (and there?).
Now, granted, Nextel phones don't count. Those things are badass and I've actually had the privilege of using them in the past. If you have one of these fuckers, then by all means, go ahead and pretend they're a walkie-talkie (cause they do actually double as one in a sense). But your normal smartphone? NO. I would throw in a pie chart of when it's okay to use your phone like a walkie-talkie, but I already used that joke in the Hashtags Rage, so you get the idea. NEVER. If you want to do that, get an actual fucking walkie-talkie and then you can run around like a Billy Badass with it. Otherwise,
FUCK YOU!!!
Over.