Rant #8: Smoking Hot Babes

 Originally posted: July 17, 2009 (old site)

ANNOYANCE LEVEL: 4 (when single) - 3 (otherwise)

Misleading Rant Titles FTW!

You know what pisses me off? Seeing a super hot chick, I'm talkin' like "DAAAAMMMMN!!!!"... and checkin' her out for a minute... and then she pulls out a fucking cigarette and lights it up. FUCK! That pisses me off almost as much as [CENSORED] taking our hot white girls (they can have the ugly ones), or even our Asian chicks that we like to steal from Asian guys (sorry dudes - hey btw can you fix my PC?).

Okay blatant racism aside (I'm not racist, I hate everybody the same - j/k :P) - this is one of those annoyances that are most commonly noticed at gas stations. Seriously, go to one, poke around the aisles around 7 or 8am (or, if that's too early like it is for me, 5 or 6pm) - you'll see some pretty hot girls come in and be like "Daaammmmnnnn!!" and then they'll walk up to the counter and pull out their little Stephen Hawking voice changer thing "I'd like a pack of Marlboro Lights and pump seven. *cough cough*".

I'm not exaggerating, I'm just looking into the future.

Hotties: Smoking is the thing that keeps perfume companies in business - it leaves a nasty ass smell on you, and you know who likes smoky kisses? Only other smokers, that's who. Plus it's a huge waste of time and money, I'd rather suck down anal fesces regurtitated from a racoon's ass than make out with a smoker, for serious. Also, you're hot as hell now... but by the time you're 40 you're going to look like (the late) Michael Jackson. (That is an exaggeration - in reality, you'll look worse).

For example, let's say you look like this now, and you're a smoker:

(Vanessa Hudgens, in case you're wondering who the super hottie is)

By the time you're forty or fifty, you'll look something like this:

Alternately, if a zombie apocalypse hits, you may end up looking like this (except in female form):

And for this reason, to all the beautiful girls out there who like to light up a cigarette:


(not an offer, unless you stop smoking...)

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