Rant #26: Stupid Huge Sunglasses

 Posted 7.15.2012


You know what's bullshit? THESE FUCKERS. The ridiculous huge sunglasses that some celebs started wearing recently, and now half the teen/adolescent girls in the world feel the need to don them whenever they get the chance. Why so huge? They're just a returning fad from the 60s or some shit, been there, seen that (well, *I* haven't until now, but some of the older generations have). What, Paris Hilton throws a pair of these she probably found in her great-grammy-maw's possessions and was like "Herp derp, these are cool." and all of a sudden everyone is like "ERMAHGERD DO WANT!". Yeah, get some fucking originality. Thinking about it, originality seems to be a common missing factor that's causing several of these rants, but fuck those cause the issue is these bastards.

These kinds of sunglasses look like they're made for an anime character. They could probably be used to get reception from a satellite on a rainy day. You could install them on car doors facing you and use them as mirrors. I think they do use them in some stores at the ends of aisles to let customers see if anyone is coming as they approach the end of the aisle. They could be launched into space and used to reflect sunlight back onto the dark parts of the earth (a la the Bond movie Die Another Day's Icarus satellite) to allow crops to be grown year round or whatever the plot of that film was. You could use them in lieu of a helmet to deflect bullets hitting your head. You could take the damn things off and use them as a shield in a fucking jousting contest. Turn them face down and now you've got a bowl, so have cereal out of them.

Every time I see a girl with them on, the first thing I think is this:

The second thing I think is how FUCKING STUPID THEY LOOK. Just wear normal fucking sunglasses like the rest of us. Are they really that awesome that you have to look like a derpytard when you go out? Now, in all honesty, they don't actually look bad on some girls (see above picture), but they're as prevalent and as fucking annoying as PINK is, so if you're wearing them, then

(Is that an offer? Maybe, actually...)

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